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10 January 2013 @ 09:42 pm
My final dreams of 2012: Steve Buscemi, Guy Fieri, Taran Killiam, and more  

Originally published at Scott Edelman. Please leave any comments there.

Well, 2012 is over, so it’s time to gather together my final dreams from 2012 and see what can be discovered by throwing them together in one place. Here are not only my dream tweets from December, but November’s as well, since I was apparently too busy to harvest them a month ago.

Let’s see whether any accidental poetry can be achieved in this way, shall we?

DECEMBER 2012

I dreamt I was in a storage unit where wife and sister-in-law kept collectibles, holding door shut as intruders tried to force their way in. 29 Dec

I dream I bought Irene many pastries to eat during an opera intermission. Which seems like an appropriate first dream to remember in Vienna. 28 Dec

I dreamt we checked into a hotel and were somehow given a multi-level suite. My first thought — who do we know in this town for a party? 26 Dec

I dreamt Irene was playing a casino’s slot machine, when all of a sudden she won, and a mountain of gold coins spilled out around her feet. 26 Dec

I dreamt Paul Kupperberg and I were doing a Comic-Con panel when it was shut down and we were sent home due to the death of Ogden Whitney. 26 Dec

I dreamt I ate all the frosting from a Sara Lee orange cake while an old woman looked on disapprovingly. Yet I felt no remorse. 25 Dec

I dreamt a sad old Alzheimer’s guy bought a box of candy, and by the time he paid, forgot he’d done so and almost leave the shop without it. 25 Dec

I dreamt I worked for United in a dizzying skyscraper, and got to my office by climbing a ladder on the outside and leaping in my window. 25 Dec

I dreamt a friend of mine said he was too depressed to leave his hotel room and see me, so I strummed “Cabaret” on the uke until he would. 25 Dec

I dreamt I was in a NYC office when @kwnewton shouted bombs were going off, and we all ran to watch it on TV. I wondered how I’d get home. 24 Dec

I dreamt we waited in a long line to enter an apocalypse museum, but I woke while with the ticket taker, so I have no idea what was inside. 24 Dec

I dreamt I hung with SNL‘s Taran Killiam when he grabbed a guitar and did a Tom Jones impression. Which wasn’t very good. Which made me sad. 24 Dec

I dreamt I wandered my house trying not to eat that VERY tempting plate of cookies, when UPS distracted me by delivering a massive box. 24 Dec

I dreamt I wandered my backyard, filled with hundreds of cacti taller than me, worrying over them as they were being eaten by an ant colony. 24 Dec

I dreamt a dream, then dreamt I wrote it down, then dreamt I fell back to sleep. Now that I’m awake, there’s no note. This is much too meta. 23 Dec

I dreamt one of you sent me a link to a video about making cole slaw, and as I watched the churning cabbage, I wondered why you’d sent it. 22 Dec

I dreamt I was in my 80s, a geezer in a nursing home, happily chatting with my friends about my upcoming date with a young thing in her 60s. 22 Dec

I dreamt I lay on a circular couch with other students in a dorm watching football, remarkable in that I don’t give a damn about football. 21 Dec

I dreamt I had an encounter with Guy Fieri. Can’t remember what. Considering that NYT review, I assume I wasn’t eating at his restaurant. 21 Dec

I dreamt @Gachatz planned to take a night off and asked me to cover for him at @Alinea. Surprisingly, I was filled with anxiety, not terror. 20 Dec

I dreamt I was by my father’s bedside during his final days. I spoke, but he was unresponsive. Later, I shared about it with my brother. 18 Dec

I dreamt I visited a beloved restaurant that was about to close so I could order my favorite dishes one last time — but they’d sold out! 17 Dec

I dreamt I started work at Marvel Comics again and being introduced around. Oddly, there were huge logos on the wall for Polly and Her Pals. 13 Dec

I dreamt Irene and I were attending a pre-symphony lecture, and she was dressed in a kimono. Don’t remember the symphony, so don’t know why. 13 Dec

I dreamt a town square was filled with endless rows of white plastic chairs for a wedding, and I suddenly decided to move them all stacks. 13 Dec

I dreamt a Richard Branson-like mogul had a theory you’d lose weight if he ruffled your hair a certain way while you walked. So he did that. 13 Dec

I dreamt that while my son visited, I went through my files as we chatted, and found a whole bunch of uncashed checks from 7-8 years ago. 12 Dec

I dreamt I was Dexter, defending myself against a series of hitmen, one of whom I survived by using his own samurai sword to sever his arm. 12 Dec

I dreamt my bathroom was filled with spiders. Giant spiders — the size of crabs! Was in the process of squishing them when I woke up. 11 Dec

I dreamt the company where Paul Di Filippo and I worked was acquired by a conglomerate — and then I was laid off! They kept him, though. 11 Dec

I dreamt I gave a homeless guy $5.00 for a very interesting reason. But due to my crummy night handwriting, I no longer know what it was. 11 Dec

I dreamt a car passed me on the road and crashed, flinging its passenger through a window. I stopped and wondered whether to administer CPR. 9 Dec

I dreamt all of my friends surprised me by donning costumes and dancing around me in a circle while performing Monty Python’s “Galaxy Song.” 9 Dec

I dreamt I got a 6-top table for the next @NextRestaurant meal, but I had to take 6:00 a.m., which had me wondering if I’d be hungry enough. 7 Dec

I dreamt I survived the zombie apocalypse by taking refuge on the top floor of an apartment building — I knew they couldn’t climb stairs. 7 Dec

I dreamt I played the fiddle instead of the ukulele, and was noodling around, attempting to figure out what to perform at an upcoming event. 6 Dec

I dreamt Paul Di Filippo and I used a device built of a player piano and a bicycle to make and then give away panes of sugar glass candy. 6 Dec

I appear to have lost one of last night’s dream, because I no longer know what this scribbled note means: MST3K PUPPETS SAWYER GOLDSTEIN 4 Dec

I dreamt all the people sitting across from me on a subway car wore fake mustaches. And none of them would explain why. They just smiled. 4 Dec

I dreamt I bumped into Irene Gallo, told her I was organizing a Happening, and began gluing bottle caps and action figures to a huge hat. 4 Dec

I dreamt I was hanging out with comics bloggers I’d just met, and they filled me in on all the blogger rivalries so I’d know who hated whom. 4 Dec

I dreamt I searched with Gary Wolfe for a corkscrew so he could open a bottle of con-suite whiskey. He poured me a glass I did not drink. 4 Dec

I dreamt I’d rented my waterfront, ocean-view condo to Kim Kardashian, and was going through closets with her to clear out my stuff. 4 Dec

I dreamt that as I drove home, I discovered and looked in awe at a HUGE mountaintop sinkhole, with no idea how it had suddenly gotten there. 3 Dec

I dreamt I received a contract to write two more unauthorized bios of pro wrestlers, due March and November. (But of whom? Can’t remember. ) 3 Dec

I dreamt I peddled home on a Big Wheels through an old timey Ray Bradburyish town square, at peace though I was a grown man on a tiny bike. 3 Dec

I dreamt I was playing with my (only dream) kids, including a five-month-old, and marveled at how fresh and new the world must seem to him. 3 Dec

I dreamt I entered a Godiva shop in which the clerk said I could eat as many chocolates as I wanted for free. But I somehow stopped at two. 3 Dec

I dreamt I was at the mall, holding a bloody paper bag that proved a girl killed her boyfriend, struggling to call the police on my iPhone. 2 Dec

I dreamt I overheard my HS friend Barry Chaiken explaining that the reason we were qualified to become editors is because we talk too much. 2 Dec

I dreamt I watched a smug teenager impress a mobster by using a single match to light dozens of flares lining the street for a drag race. 1 Dec

I dreamt I bumped into @LenWein at a street fair, heard someone say, “just one of those things,” so started singing that to him and dancing. 1 Dec

NOVEMBER 2012

I dreamt I was strumming away at the uke when suddenly, something sounded off, and I looked down to see the 1st and 3rd strings had snapped. 30 Nov

I dreamt that as I sat at an airport gate after a cancelled flight, all the folks I’d chatted with after previous cancelled flights arrived. 29 Nov

I dreamt I lived in a penthouse with a 360-degree view of the horizon, except for one tall tree which blocked my view. And pissed me off. 29 Nov

I dreamt I was visited by former boss John Tharrington from a bank job I had decades ago, and he told me all about how things had changed. 29 Nov

I dreamt I still worked for Sovereign Media. I’d written one sentence about each X-Files episode, and was proofreading the deigned article. 28 Nov

I dreamt I worked with Jim (but none of the rest of the characters from The Office) and asked to join the band for which he was the drummer. 28 Nov

I dreamt I’d been elected to the Senate, and was forced to share an office with a Republican senator, which seemed a bizarre requirement. 28 Nov

I dreamt I rented part of someone’s dealers room table at a Worldcon. All I sold were jars of Nutella, which I continually fussed with. 27 Nov

I dreamt Marvel Comics installed a memorial recreation of the late editor Archie Goodwin’s office as it would have appeared in the ’70s. 27 Nov

I dreamt I was a female fire chief at the moment I discovered my assistant was guilty of all those arsons. I was pissed and lit into him. 27 Nov

I dreamt I walked on stilts through a wild animal cage, scared by the snakeskins littering the ground. Because where were the snakes? 27 Nov

I dreamt my college teacher wrote her complicated name phonetically on the chalkboard. I tried to snap a photo. Of course, my iPhone failed. 22 Nov

I dreamt a bird landed on one of my arms, was joined by dozens of its friends. As I danced about, they fluttered their wings in mock flight. 22 Nov

I dreamt I heard sleigh bells, so ran to the window and saw a landscape covered with snow … but no sign of what was creating the sound. 21 Nov

I dreamt I was out to dinner with Steve Buscemi, who handed our waiter a cookie sheet to pop in the oven. I worried what he was feeding us. 21 Nov

I dreamt I wandered a North Korean supermarket, fascinated by everything, wanting to take lots of pics, but knowing my keeper would stop me. 21 Nov

I dreamt I was having difficulty lighting my cigarette — which considering that in real life I don’t smoke and never have, makes sense! 21 Nov

I dreamt I met an old Chinese man on the street carrying a ukulele case. When I asked if he’d play, he opened it and removed a wooden GUN. 20 Nov

I dreamt I navigated a mall the walls of which grew narrower and narrower until I was unable to press forward, and I became stuck. 20 Nov

I dreamt I was lounging around outside The Aviary, having a swell old time with @Gachatz and @mrbelm, chatting about sous vide. 19 Nov

I dreamt I’d gotten a job in the mortgage business again, and for some unexplained reason, I found Guy Gavriel Kay in the reception area. 19 Nov

I dreamt I was climbing a mountain using mechanical legs, which royally pissed off two guys near the peak who were using only muscle power. 18 Nov

I dreamt I lined up to be in the studio audience for The Price is Right, and was almost crushed when we were let in. No costumes, though. 17 Nov

I dreamt I watched Weeds‘ womanizing Andy Botwin doing his best to pick up a nanny who was doing her best to ignore him and mind the baby. 17 Nov

I dreamt I was sitting with my (dead IRL) grandma by the TV, riffling through the Sunday paper together, waiting for the Emmys to begin. 17 Nov

I dreamt I was with @tinytempest and others, and phoned Gardner Dozois to pitch a story for Asimov’s. Which I guess he still edits in dream. 16 Nov

I dreamt I was being driven to a South American village in a Flintstones-type car, open to the ground below, and therefore very unnerving. 15 Nov

I dreamt that when I left my car off in a parking garage for a trip, slamming a door caused the car to rust and rot. Windows fell off, etc. 15 Nov

I dreamt I ate dinner at the home of two bickering friends, who misused a pitcher of liquid nitrogen, sticking fingers and face inside. 15 Nov

I dreamt I was on a platform when a train pulled up, with @shunn and @chavoen inside — trapped! They banged on the doors, then it moved on. 13 Nov

I dreamt I brought lots of snacks to an Adam-Troy Castro reading to feed his audience — only no one showed up but me! 13 Nov

I dreamt I drove through the woods with Justified‘s Dickie Bennett to meet a friend of his, growing fearful he’d be an escaped convict. 12 Nov

I dreamt I visited the offices of a travel mag — the floor was littered with a carpet of sea shells, and I had to carefully pick my way in. 12 Nov

I dreamt I was riding up an escalator which collapsed. I climbed the sagging steps to the top, then pulled the child behind me to safety. 11 Nov

I dreamt I bought an inflatable to celebrate something or other, but it turned out to be dozens of stories tall, so I quickly collapsed it. 8 Nov

I dreamt I stood on the site of a razed bookstore with other former patrons, mourning its loss and remembering what fun we had there. 8 Nov

I dreamt I was trapped in a con line to get George R. R. Martin’s autograph, which I couldn’t leave even though I already HAD his autograph. 8 Nov

I dreamt I was interrogating a cyborg in order to learn the secret formula hidden in a painting, and getting no answers, was dismantling it. 8 Nov

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